Pick your poison

I have to admit, I’m an excellent ‘two truths and a lie’ player.

1. I once got so drunk I bribed a bartender at a club to give me his rainbow pin.
2. Everyone in my family has died due to poisoning.
3. I have blue eyes.

The pin has been on my jacket since that night, a testament to the fact that I can be extroverted, even if I have to be not sober to become so, which leads to always being met with a chorus of laughs, eye rolls and ‘jeez I wonder which one it is.’

 Only for my best friend to side eye me and tell the crowd my eyes are actually green.

And then crickets, until someone trips over a power cable killing the stereo or throws up in a poor potted plant. The silences never last long enough to make things awkward, and the shocked looks I get always amuse me.

‘Really, Fiona.’ Clara says to me each time. ‘You have to get some new jokes.’

‘But this is the only interesting thing about me.’ Was always my reply.

And it is also my biggest fear.

***

Poisoning can take many different forms, but fact still remains, everyone in my immediate family has died from it.

Dad was alcohol poisoning, around five years ago. Hurts to say no one was shocked.

My Nan, Rosalie, his mother, ate a batch of pokeweed berries she had found growing in her back garden, mistaking it for one of her blueberry shrubs. She didn’t make it to the hospital in time when she started feeling sick.

Granddad Milo apparently became allergic to peanuts out of the blue and found out the hard way.

And then there’s Uncle Noe’s family, all perished from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Am I next? What will it be? Food poisoning? Being bitten by a venomous snake?

***

Weeks later, Clara walks into our shared kitchen, holding her laptop: ‘Check this out.’

‘Finally deleting some of those spam emails you’ve been getting?’ I say, after glancing at her screen.

‘I was, when I noticed this.’ She grabs my face and turns it in the direction of her computer. ‘Come on, look.’

‘I’m not interested in the thousandth email about a master student looking for volunteers for their eczema study.’ I say, frowning. ‘I don’t even think what I have is eczema.’

‘What you have’ she says zooming into a section of the email I’m trying so hard to ignore ‘is partial blindness. This is not an eczema study. Look.’

All I wanted was to eat my yoghurt in peace. 

‘Fine I’ll bite.’

[Research Studies] Liminal boundary between human and nonhuman.

Oh?

Hello,

My name is Sean and I am a master’s student conducting research at Willow University, I am writing to extend an invitation to you to participate in a ground-breaking research study exploring the liminal boundary between human and nonhuman consciousness.

The focus of this study is to investigate the potential of a revolutionary sensory tank technology to facilitate transcendent experiences, enabling participants to access insights into future events. Our research aims to bridge the realms of human perception and the unknown, offering a glimpse into the mysteries that lie beyond conventional understanding.

Your participation in this study would involve several sessions within the liminality chamber, during which you would be encouraged to relax and surrender to the sensory experience. Our team of trained facilitators will be present to ensure your safety and comfort throughout the sessions, as well as to provide support and guidance as needed.

As a participant in this pioneering research endeavour, you will have the opportunity to contribute to the advancement of knowledge in the field of consciousness studies and potentially uncover profound insights into your own destiny and interconnectedness with the universe. If you are intrigued by the prospect of exploring the boundaries of human perception and gaining access to hidden realms of knowledge, I invite you to consider participating in this unique research opportunity.

Should you wish to learn more about the study or express your interest in participating, please feel free to contact me through this email, II would be delighted to provide further details and discuss any questions or concerns you may have.

Thank you for your time,

Sean.

I turn to Clara. ‘What is all this about?’

‘I thought you might be interested.’

‘Because…?’

‘To find out if you’re really going to die due to poisoning.’ She says.

Wow, alright.

‘Why on earth would I want to put myself through some sketchy experiment to find out how I’m allegedly going to die?’

‘Because, Fiona, this fear is taking over you. You are scared of everything; you never leave this flat. It’s getting to the point where I’m afraid you’re going to ask me to taste your food before you eat it.’

That might not actually be such a bad idea. I don’t say that to her though.

‘This will make it worse, based on what it says. If it even works, it seems a bit too sci-fi to me.’

‘What if it helps you, Fi? The problem is you don’t know, if you did know you, for example, that you would die in a car crash, would be able to relax and be able to go out to eat or something.’

‘Or I’d never leave the house due to my newfound fear if cars.’

She sighs, shutting the laptop before grabbing it.

‘Just…think about it.’

***

Clearly, I’m just as crazy as Clara thinks I am.

I take three deep breaths before walking into the room number provided by Sean. It’s a fairly large room in Willow’s science building, the Ark, with white walls and floors, plus blinding pale lights that remind me of being in a doctor’s office.

A boy a couple of years older than me gets up from his desk as he hears the door open. He smiles at me and offers his hand.

‘Hi, I’m Sean, it’s nice to meet you, you must be Fiona.’

I nod, unsure of what to say.

‘Thank you for taking part in the experiment.’ He finally says after a few second of silence, as he adjusts his thick, round, black glasses over the bridge of his nose. He looks exactly like the kind of person who would be conducting a similar experiment.

‘All right, Fiona, may I know what you’re hoping to find out today from our FIG?’

‘FIG?’ I ask.

‘Oh, pardon, I must not have included this in the emails I sent out. It’s the name the team has chosen for the tank, it stands for Future Insight Gateway.’

‘Oh cool.’ I say, to then clear my voice. ‘I’d like to find out, if possible, how I am going to die.’

He gives me a look of surprise.

‘There have been…several strange deaths in family, and it has been an unshakable…’

Obsession my mind wants to say.

‘Irrational fear of mine for quite some time.’ I end up settling on. ‘I believe this experiment could help me make them vanish once and for all.’

‘I suppose it is a fairly common question to have.’ Is all he says.

‘Well then, Fiona, let’s see if FIG can help you out.’

***

FIG is, essentially, a glorified sensory tank.  The shape reminds me of a white shoe, a croc to be precise, filled with water. It’s in a separate room, illuminated by a soft, dim, lilac hue.

Sean tells me that it’s equipped with a ‘quantum entanglement device’, built especially for it. It won’t knock me out, he declares, a bit forcefully as if I was about to accuse him of such, all it will do is allow me to enter a deeper part of consciousness, to put me in communication with my other self in a quantum state.

I honestly think it’s a bath of gibberish, but whatever.

I’m pointed to a small bathroom where to change into a swimming suit, to then enter the tank, with my back to the water, letting my body float.

Once I’m in the tank, which has been connected to the necessary machinery, he shuts the door, telling me to holler if I need anything or want to stop at any time.

***

The lights become dimmer and dimmer, until I’m enveloped by shadows, to then see some flow towards the ceiling.

A single flicker of purple light floats. I shiver while getting out of the tank, my legs slip a few times against the metal edges.  I watch it move around the room, my hair plastered to my back and forehead with icy water, dripping down my shoulders, rolling to my navel. I cling to those shadows that have remained wrapped around me as I stand directly under that source of brightness.

Tentatively, I reach out. The tip of my toes burn from the effort, and my index finger dips into the spec. It grows, somehow, around my hand, covering my features. It’s warm at first, comforting, but it turns cooler and cooler, until it’s dripping with pain.

I yank it free, stumbling backwards, but the ground separates beneath my body, letting me fall.

I rapidly descend through time and air, trying to scream for help, but no words come out, just my breath escaping from my body, my stomach tumbling within me.

I’m cushioned by a floor of thick water. Letting myself sink to the bottom, pushing up to spring free is hard, the water doesn’t want to let me go, and when I do break out, I feel its droplets fighting to keep my eyes shut.

And there’s an arm stretched out before me.

I look up and see it belongs to a girl who has a striking similarity to me.

Looking closer it is me, just flipped, a reflection that has stepped out of a mirror.  

I try to wade away a bit from her, but she responds with re-extending her arm, more forcefully this time. She gives me a smile, or tries to, she doesn’t open her mouth fully, a few specks of white trying to peak through, behind red lips.

I take her hand, letting her pull me out of the syrup lake. What choice did I have?

***

She hands me a towel to try and remove some of the water, if that’s what it even was, before leading me to sit on a rock. Kneeling before me, she cups my face.

‘Are you…me?’ I find myself asking.

She nods frantically, and smiles, once again not fully. I notice small tendrils fighting to keep her lips apart, and mine burn as I stare at hers.

This is what happens when you try to find answers to things that are not meant to be discovered.  She said, but her mouth doesn’t move.

‘Are you using telepathy on me or something?’

Or something. She agrees.

Fiona, my other self, why are you here? Are you so scared of your future that you’re willing to meet it early on, just for a chance of being prepared?

‘Sean assured me this is completely safe.’

Not that I know where he is compared to where I am now.

I hear her sad laugh echo from the stone chamber we find ourselves in.

He doesn’t understand what he created. You are still inside the tank, physically, but your soul has travelled far, to meet me.

And what are you?

I don’t need to ask to receive a response.

Your death soul. We are transformed once we die, over disappearing. Turned into this- she gestures to herself. Once the end is near.

There are many other within rooms of this cave. Death souls of people who wanted to know what their soulmate looks like, who want to know what generic future awaits them.

You are the first to have reached me, and perhaps the most desperate one. If you die, I will remain trapped here.

‘Why would I die from this? I’m just lying in a tank of warm water.’

He messed up the dosage. It’s fine for someone conscious who just wants to relax, but for someone whose soul is currently so far from their body? Not at all. You need to go back before it’s too late.

‘Go back?’ I fell through a room after playing around with some artificial will’o-the-wisp. How am I supposed to go back.’

There’s a door at the end of this tunnel, go through it and you will reach your destination.

I run and don’t look back.

***

I have the most film-like awakening. I’m gasping for air, throat dry, croaking for help.

To his credit, Sean bursts through the door. I hold onto him as he tries to help me out of the tank.

The room sways, and I’m hit with a wave of nausea.

‘You need to stop the experiment. Something is wrong with it I-’

I vomit before being able to finish my sentence.

‘Fiona. Fiona. What happened? Did you see anything?’

I nod, still retching.

‘She told me I was dying because of this.’

I wipe my mouth with my hand.

My skin has turned yellow.

He messed up the dosage.

‘Who did, Fiona?’

‘My soul, my death soul.’ More nausea. ‘Oh God, call an ambulance. I think- the water has-’

‘Woah, alright, I’ll call the school doctor, why don’t we sit for a minute, I’m sure this will go away soon.’

I can’t stop trembling.

‘What did you put in that tank Sean?’

‘Just water! Some flower scents to help you relax, and a small amount of a tranquillizer to help you slip into that status…’

He keeps on talking, I don’t hear the name of the drug, but I know what’s happened.’

He accidentally poisoned me.

‘Sean, call my friend Clara.’  I say.

I vomit again, blood this time. It seems to finally get his attention.

I hear him scrambling to get my phone, mumbling something about how this cannot be happening, to call some of the other students in for help. I slide from the stool to curl up on the floor.

‘Fiona, help is on the way, you are going to be fine.’

But all I know is that everyone in my family has died due to poisoning.